Tobi's Big Surprise
by TobiGB
Summary: Tobi has a little surprise for the other members of the Akatsuki. This story is Rate M because of Hidan's mouth.


A/N: Hey guys welcome to another Akatsuki I hope you guys enjoy it, oh yeah just so you this is just a little parody of stories just like this one so please if you write or like those kinds of stories please don't take offense to this it is merely made for fun.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Akatsuki nor the "Naruto" series in general nor do I hope to make a profit, they ALL belong Mr. Masashi Kishimoto please support the official release.

It was a normal day at the Akatsuki base everybody present minus two members Konan and Tobi; were setting at a round table in the meeting room discussing various topics.

"That's why true art is an explosion, yeah" Deidara said as he took his seat at the table; after finishing his speech on why his art was better than Sasori's form of art.

Once the bomber had sat back down in his seat with a superior grin on his face, Pein had stood back up with a somewhat annoyed look on his face.

"Thank you Deidara, Kakuzu I believe that you have something to bring to the group?" Pein asked as the green eyed money miser stood up in his seat.

"You're damn right I do! You do any of you know what these are?" Kakuzu demanded holding up a bunch of receipts in his hand.

"They're a bunch of receipts." Sasori stated dully showing no interest in where the green eyed man was going with this.

"Do you know what KIND of receipts these are?" He asked them and when no one answered he continued on. "Baby stroller, baby formula, baby diapers, baby crib, baby toys, and baby food!" He yelled as threw the receipts onto the table for all of them to see.

All of them minus Itachi were shocked to say the least as they each picked up a receipt.

"Well what do you know Konan went and got herself knocked up" Kisame said with a toothy grin on his face.

"That does explain why she's been emotional and moody lately." Pein said as he rubbed his chin.

"I thought she was just on her fucking period." Hidan commented as he leaned back into his seat.

"Excuse me?" Konan stated as she and Tobi walked into the meeting room with Tobi carrying a bag full of baby supplies.

"Konan is there something that you would like to tell us?" Pein asked the blue haired woman with a calm voice.

"Like what for example?" She asked as she raised one of her eyebrows.

"What the hell were you thinking? I thought you had more self-respect than that, but I guess I was wrong and now I have to suffer for it!" Kakuzu screamed at the top of his lungs.

"Just what are you trying to say to me?" She asked as she narrowed her eyes at the group in front of her.

"I'm saying that because you couldn't learn to keep your legs closed now me and my money have to suffer for it!" Kakuzu screamed as he slammed his fist onto the table.

"Ignoring what Kakuzu is saying." Pein began as he sent a glare to Kakuzu before returning his attention back to Konan. "We are surprised to say the least about this recent discovery, but we WILL help you out during these trying times." Pein said as he looked at the other members leavening no room for argument.

"So who's the unlucky bastard that knocked you up?" Hidan asked from his spot at the table.

"What? I am not pregnant." She told them in a somewhat annoyed tone of voice.

"Then why are there receipts for baby supplies then, yeah?" Deidara asked her out of curiosity.

"I don't thing none of you would believe me if I told you, I barely even believe it myself." She stated to the other members.

"**Try us** I'm sure it's nothing we can't handle." Zetsu's black and white halves commented.

"Well you see…." Konan said trying to find the right words for this situation.

"I'm having a baby!" Tobi screamed as he bounced up and down with joy.

Soon afterwards the whole room became completely silent from the announcement that was made.

"Tobi what the fuck are you fucking talking about?" Hidan asked being the first to come out of the initial shocked that had befallen the other members.

"I'm having a baby isn't it wonderful!" Tobi announced with extreme happiness in his voice.

"Tobi what kind of sad, desperate, lonely, needy, pathetic woman would ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, I MEAN EVER! Have YOUR child, yeah?" Deidara asked him in complete and total disbelief.

"I find that hard to believe, considering that you don't anything about the female body or sex in general." Sasori added to the conversation.

"Tobi do you have any idea on how much you screwed up this time? What are you going to do when the mother puts your ass on child support huh? I'm sure as hell am not going to help your stupid ass!" Kakuzu screamed with his rage building up more and more.

"Oh I didn't get anyone pregnant silly Kakuzu I'm pregnant!" He exclaimed as if it was the greatest thing in the whole wide world.

Once again everyone fell silent from this new information they just heard from the masked member of the group.

"What?" Kisame asked making sure he wasn't going deaf.

"Tobi do you have any idea on how stupid that sounds, yeah?" Deidara stated with a deadpanned look on his face.

"Tobi you can't be pregnant because you are a male and males do not get pregnant it is impossible." Pein sighed as he tried to explain on why Tobi couldn't be pregnant.

"Silly Leader this was a Virgin birth." Tobi said as he glowed with happiness. "I think I was touched by Hidan's god Jashin."

He quickly ducked his head; because after he had said that Hidan had thrown his scythe at him hoping it would hit the masked Akatsuki member.

"DON'T YOU DARE BRING LORD JASHIN INTO THIS! BECAUSE THERE IS NO WAY HE WOULD EVER PICK YOU TO HAVE HIS CHILD!" Hidan fumed with full rage.

"He did see?" Tobi said as he lifted his cloak to reveal a big fat belly hanging out for everybody to see.

Every single member there was left completely and utterly speechless and couldn't think of a single logical explanation for what they were seeing in front of them.

"I'm going to be a mommy or daddy, maybe both!" Tobi screamed with happiness as he skipped out of the room leaving everybody still stunned silent.

_*five weeks later*_

It had been five weeks since the big announcement and everything in the base was changed drastically for the 'new arrival'; even though everybody still had their doubts especially Hidan. He had been cursing and killing innocent people more than usual, and constantly complained on how he was a better candidate than Tobi.

"Leader I don't know how much longer I can put up with this! I mean do you have any idea how much the food bill is? I mean that bastard doesn't even eat anymore he just swallows it down like garbage disposal!" Kakuzu yelled after suffering four heart attacks in the past week.

"Leader I still don't see why we're even doing this? For all we know he could just have gas or something." Sasori complained since he had to remove all of the weapons and poisons from his puppets and room in general.

"I understand that we had to make a few sacrifices over the last few weeks, but I'm sure in the end it'll all be worth. So just bear with it for a little while longer." Pein told them calmly.

"I SHOULD BE THE FUCKING ONE NOT THAT RETARD; I BET JASHIN WAS TRYING TO COME INTO MY ROOM AND GOT CONFUSED AND ENDED UP IN HIS! HELL I BET HE HAD TO PUT A FUCKING BAG OVER TOBI'S HEAD AND PRETEND THAT IT WAS ME!" Hidan fumed for the umpteenth time today causing some of them to groan.

Before anyone could say anything else Tobi was walking by them carrying a huge amount of food in his arms; when Kisame had walked up to him Tobi had reacted in crazed manner with his arms and food flying over the place.

"Sorry my hormones are acting up." Tobi apologized as he picked up his fallen food. "Now if you would back the *_squeak_* up I mean where the *_bark_* is the *_bell_* ice-cream, I mean how many *_meows_* times do I have to say ice mother *_moos_* cream! DO I HAVE TO *_car horn_* WRITE IT IN *_quack_* LANGUAGE SO YOU *_trumpet_* CAN UNDERSTAND IT! MAYBE I SHOULD TAKE A *_bomb_* KUNAI AND ETCH IT INTO EACH OF YOUR *_glass shattering_* FOREHEADS 'ICE *_bark_* CREAM! I GUESS THAT'S THE PRICE I HAVE TO PAY FOR LIVING WITH A BUNCH OF *_shot gun goes off_* MORONS!" Tobi screamed as he went back to his room.

Every single last member in that room at the moment and time was left completely and utterly shocked. They had just been insulted by TOBI of all people, that silence came to complete end once everybody had regained their composure.

"Did he just?" Kisame asked as he just got over his shocked.

"TOBI YOU GET YOUR FAT ASS BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!" Pein screamed with his anger and rage completely shown on his face.

"I don't care if his IS pregnant I am going to kill him right now, yeah!" Deidara announced as he stormed off to Tobi's room with the others right behind him.

When they opened the door ready to kill Tobi they were caught off guard by seeing Tobi moaning and groaning on his bed.

"I THINK THE BABY IS COMING!" He screamed in pain as he went into labor.

"Konan quick go and call the ambulance now!" Pein ordered as he watched Konan leave to get the phone.

The reaming members all gathered around Tobi's bed trying to help him through the pain that is childbirth. Tobi was breathing and pushing like he was instructed to do, soon they saw something coming out of him. Pein being the calm and collected man that he was told Kakuzu to go get some fresh towels for the child.

It wasn't long when he returned with towels and handed them to is leader; who stood next to Tobi ready for new life that was about to enter the world. Once Tobi let out that final push they were all shocked to find that Tobi had given birth to….

"Shit? Tobi just gave birth to a great big pile of SHIT!" Hidan road which everyone else noticed as well.

"I guess I wasn't pregnant after all, maybe it had something to do with that Mexican restaurant we went too." Tobi said which caused several pairs of eyes to send him murderous looks.

There was a knock on the front door and Konan rushed to answer it and was meet with paramedics.

"Good you're here follow me!" She said urgently and led the two to Tobi's room but instead of finding a new born child they were meeting with a severely beaten Tobi with Shit on his face.

"Um what happened?" One of the Paramedics asked the group.

"He fell down some stairs." Itachi stated calmly as he walked out the room.

"Yeah and his face landed in a pile of shit too." Hidan snickered as he remembered shoving Tobi's face into the giant shit.

A/N: Well I hope you guys enjoyed this little one-shot, I got the idea from an episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force call "Jee Whiz" it was when Meatwad thought he was pregnant. I also got it from the TV show I was pregnant and didn't know it.

Well anyway like I said earlier I hope I didn't offend anyone because that was not my intent, as for Tobi cursing the other members out like that well I had to censor it because Tobi is just too nice to have a foul mouth like Hidan does.

Well anyway just read and review and I will see you guys next time see ya later.


End file.
